Trust Issues.

I love my boyfriend to death but I have really bad trust issues. Sometimes he acts shady about his phone and I don't know how to approach him about it. Finally, I just told him straight out how I felt. Everything is better now but every now and again I find myself overwhelmed with my trust issues. 

(I've never had them before, so I feel like it's a sign that I am, in fact in love with this boy.)

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Comments (59)

  1. kaylamarang

    girl just keep your eyes open but dont overwhelmyourself with the trust issue thoughts in your head…other then that congrats on falling in love and may you have a great relationship!(:

    August 08, 2012
    1. sarah_ann

      Thanks! (:

      August 08, 2012
  2. brainstormer

    There’s the red flag you didn’t want to admit earlier:P When someone says, “He’s too old for you”, the little light going off in your head about his phone is what they are talking about. It might be you overreacting…OR it might be your instincts talking. It’s usually good advice to trust that feeling. If you say he is being shady, there’s a chance it’s true. And, you should be on guard. No, you don’t want to push him away from overreacting. But, if he is hiding something, you are better off learning now than later.

    August 08, 2012
    1. sarah_ann

      I agree it’s better off learning now than later, but I don’t want to end the relationship when i have little proof of him doing any thing conspicuous. I want to look through his phone but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

      August 08, 2012
    2. sarah_ann

      I agree it’s better off learning now than later, but I don’t want to end the relationship when i have little proof of him doing any thing conspicuous. I want to look through his phone but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

      August 08, 2012
      1. brainstormer

        If your concern ends the relationship, it was bound to happen, anyway. Trust is a precious commodity. And, if he doesn’t radiate trust, then it’s worth a look. You can’t go sneaking to check his phone…that’s asking for trouble. But, you can either ask him directly as often as you feel is necessary or walk away.

        Living with the distrust/concern repeatedly coming up is bound to end badly or rub you both the wrong way, anyway. Why let it rot when you can make sure now?

        So, NO to that last wonder. You cannot expect to go through his email or phone; that’s both unsafe for him and usually ends badly. If he can’t be honest with you enough for you to feel confident in his answer…not “shady”…then you might reevaluate your relationship.

        August 08, 2012
        1. sarah_ann

          Thank you for all the advice! I really appreciate it! This will help me out a lot. (:

          August 08, 2012
          1. brainstormer

            Yer welcome

            August 08, 2012
            1. youdontlisteny

              no trust no work. he has a passcode on it, boom shady, if u think hes doing something shady he prolly is, sorry just my opinion.

              October 21, 2013
  3. anniemationflow

    I’m married and I still have trust issues, which of course, isn’t healthy!
    But I’m working on it, slowly but surely!
    Good luck!!

    September 03, 2013
  4. kimberly29

    there is trust issues in all relationships. but you just have to sit down and talk about all that is on your mind. that is what will keep the relationship healthy and keep you minds clear. been there done that..

    September 11, 2013
  5. elleeeanaaasiilaa

    Girl if he didn’t love u he would have left u ling time ago! Obviously he loves you just don’t push it to far. But good luck 😃

    October 16, 2013
  6. mindjunk86

    I’ve never understood that whole checking the other persons phone thing. I mean, I’ve had girlfriends who want to check my phone or look through my text messages when I leave the room.. but I never had anything to hide; so I didn’t really care that they did. But at the same time.. it makes me wonder why they are going through my shit. I never checked their phones, were they up to no good? Trusting someone is trusting that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing; which includes not texting/calling girls to cheat. And it goes both ways.. If you’re going to check his phone.. offer him yours.

    December 01, 2013
  7. sandracek

    Trust issues are common even with people who haven’t been cheated on or anything like it, psychologist say and from my own personal feelings is that when you feel like you’re losing someone you latch on. If you drop a book you grab it, right? It’s a natural instinct. If your gate was left open you would automatically seem worried, no? It’s a natural survival and protective instinct. When you are feeling distant or like you have done something wrong no matter how much talking or anything you do there’s always going to be the problem until you figure out what is ACTUALLY bothering you. There is something that is bothering you and you are expressing it through trust issues, now whether it’s something in your relationship or something from the past (maybe a past friend or boyfriend never kept there promises, or a parent broke your trust) you need to confront it and realize how it’s affecting you now. Sometimes suspicions come out out of no where-and that’s okay! It just means you care for him and you’re feeling a bit insecure- it’s all NORMAL!

    April 06, 2014
  8. hayleypee

    yeah its normal to feel insecure and have trust issues, but he should reassure you that there are no secrets and that he should show you his phone so it all blows away, thats what my ex and I did and it fixed a lot of things.

    May 16, 2014
  9. firsttime

    I wonder what would happen if you switched phones for the day, it would be the ulitmate trust test.

    July 08, 2014
  10. stjillian23

    I agree with majority of the other comments to this post, but I had the same thing happen with me. As many people have probably experienced also, I’ve been cheated on. I’m also a child of divorce which can cause trust issues so I’ve grown up with them. However, when you feel like you can’t trust your significant other and you’ve never felt that way with someone else before, it’s not a sign that you really do love them, it’s a red flag. It means that your gut is trying to tell you something. I don’t know if you’re into astrology at all, but I dabble in it a little bit and am a Pisces and one of my characteristics is having a very strong intuition. I didn’t trust my last boyfriend after our first conversation, but I ended up dating him for three months, moved in with him, and then got burned by his lies. It might be best to really think about your trust issues with this guy and reevaluate the relationship…good luck girl

    August 21, 2014
    1. gravyman35

      If you enjoy Astrology (you said you are a Pisces), you might like: . (not my website). you can get a whole MONTH horoscope, FREE.

      October 16, 2015
  11. expressthoughtsfeelings

    I say confront him about how you feel. If he doesnt open up or you feel its shady then i think your intuition is right. This is just my opinion. Obviously if he opens up is because he has nothing to hide. Trust is a big issue for both men and women yet different ways to approach and gain. Also, no right or wrong answer eventually everything with time reveals itself. Wish you the best of luck and i am sure everything will be fine

    September 28, 2014
  12. strawberrylaces

    I feel exactly the same in my relationship. I am always here if you want to talk take care x

    October 13, 2014
  13. thelifeofjune

    trust is number one!! dont let it get in between your relationship. i just lost the one i loved over trust and communication. im here if u need to talk!

    December 19, 2014
  14. thegirlwiththeprettysmile

    Don’t let trust issues ruin you. That overwhelming feeling won’t go away by itself, and if he doesn’t understand the problem, you guys won’t find a healthy solution. Communication is key. You have to talk to him about it, explain exactly what makes you feel some type of way, then discuss what he could do differently, what you should lighten up on, and come to the agreement that you’ll both hold your end of the bargain up. Always remember that your happiness is your priority and he should help you strive for that, and you should do the same for you.

    January 20, 2015
  15. perfectvendetta

    One thing I have learned, dont go looking if you dont want your feelings hurt. There is NOTHING worse then finding exactly what your looking for when your hoping its not there. Best way to get rid of the feelings is to go through the phone with no warning, but thats only if your ready to MAYBE see something that could potentially hurt you in the long run. Its the most heart wrenching fight your head and heart will go through.

    April 03, 2015
  16. sammiekucera144

    I know how this is because I have trust issues as well and they have driven my relationship to the end. I have never found anything but I am afraid that I will one day. He is the father to my child and it hurts to know that there could be another person with him and it kills me. But just talk about your feelings it is the best thing that could happen to a relationship. Being open and honest is always a good thing.

    April 29, 2015
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  18. choosehonesty

    Good luck girl. Trust is an interesting thing. Once it’s broken, it can never be fully repaired. I’ve learned many things from past relationships. Two are very contradicting suggestions. First, always trust your instincts. Many times (if not all) your gut tells you the truth. But you must pay attention to where it is coming from. Is it a gut feeling or is it the anxiety from over-thinking? Second….you can turn anything into looking shady, if you put it under a microscope. Watch your own behavior. I am very spontaneous so a quick trip to the grocery store for milk may end up with me at the mall to buy a new dress.
    Also be aware of projection. Are you suspicious of him because of something you have done or are doing? Many times people point their finger at others when they should be pointing at themselves. Are you hiding anything from him? Have you done something behind his back?
    IF you choose to go through his phone be prepared for the consequences. If he has nothing to hide (even if he does) he may get angry at you for not respecting his privacy and/or for you not trusting him. I lost one of the best men I have ever dated because of MY trust issues. I went through his phone, questioned him, and was always suspicious. He never cheated on me but eventually I pushed him away due to my constant questioning. Yes, I did see things I didn’t like in his phone but I have come to realize that if you want to find something, you will. In the end, it may not have been as big of a deal as you made it out to be, but it’s too late. In that relationship my deep gut said I had nothing to worry about but things I did in my past and things others have done to me told me otherwise. I allowed my past to ruin my present.
    I do not know you or your boyfriend but beware of the smooth talkers. I allowed my last bf to convince me that he was loyal and committed. He smoothed over my worries with his words (not with his actions). Turns out again, I should have followed my gut because I wasn’t imagining his shadiness. My gut told me to walk away but his words, his freaking words convinced me to stay…until the new girl contacted me asking if we were dating because he was telling her that he was single since they began talking which fell right in line with when he began being shady.

    Long story short——Communication and honesty are vital to a relationship so talk to him and tell him how you feel. Just be prepared.

    After writing all that….I saw this was from 2012. Are you two still together? Was he hiding something?

    May 03, 2015
  19. mr-cynic

    For what it’s worth: your being too posesive.

    June 12, 2015
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  22. brendagarcia

    I can relate to having trust issues with my boyfriend i have caught him so many times lying to me found the facebook girls he chats with seen the dating sites hes on and i wont acknowledge any of it tells me im crazy denies everything its tearing me apart

    June 24, 2015
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  24. aivz

    Actually, that feeling is normal with us women. It’s just happen that we don’t know how to control it.

    June 24, 2015
  25. elizabethrenae

    We live in a world where trust has to be earned and in a way that’s right but you also need to give him the benefit of the doubt. If you assume something bads going to happen for long enough, chances are, it will. Do not let what could, destroy what is.

    July 05, 2015
  26. sarahisobelbloomfield

    Phones can be good and bad for relationships and sometimes they can cause some poeple in relationships to do ‘shady’ things like delete messages or photos they dont want their other half to see. In this day and age many couples give eachother their passwords to facebook and use eachothers phones regularly this can either be a good thing or a bad thing within a relationship. Its so hard with technology in relationships everything is so public one post on facebook and your other half will hear about it from their friends if they dont see it first hand.

    July 20, 2015
  27. thelostsoul

    It’s okay to be a little worried at first about that stuff, I was, still kind of am even after 2 1/2 years together! But honesty is key and you’ve got to trust him and you will continue to grow as a couple!

    August 05, 2015
  28. inmyeyesspeaksthetruth

    Trust yourself, If something is telling you to worry, 9/10 times its for a reason. Trust me, been a relationship for 6 years and when I feel like things are too good to be true, its because it is.! Not saying he is up to anything but now a day, no one is loyal and love or no love, people just dont care

    August 19, 2015
  29. gardengirl

    I often feel like this with my husband and his phone. I however have the code to his phone and can go through it whenever I want…if I ever want to. I don’t make it a habit to go through his phone, but if I cant find mine and need to call someone or check an email or something I can unlock his phone and do whatever I need to do. I used to find text messages in his phone with different females and there have been many fights. I just have to trust in my heart and know that now that he is my husband (since 5 days ago) he will respect me more and wouldn’t do things like that. Its out of your hands. Make your concerns known but that’s all you can really do.

    August 21, 2015
  30. benjaminwright

    There is nothing worse than having “trust issues”. Everyone wants to be trusted. But unfortunately, there are those who rather “abuse” the trust of others. Of course, there is nothing much worse, than to have “excess baggage” hanging around in their lives.

    Having said that, I think you need to be resilient and focus carefully to what you “see”, believe and what you really know. If you still have trust issues for a long period of time, I think you need to take action, and change your course in life. Or you will just be stuck. Now, who wants to be just stuck…not going anywhere in life?

    September 19, 2015
  31. suicidalthoughtsdotph

    Wow, this thread is buzzing..Lols! I read a few of the comments and they’re great, we all have trust issues, we’ve all been cheated on, we’ve loved.. lost and that jazz.. One advice I can give you though, is at the end of the day you have to weigh whats more important. If your insecurities and trust issues would cause you guys to break up, then the hell with it right.. I say give the 100% trust, if he’s dumb enough to cheat, then he’s dumb enough to get caught.. So in the end you would still know if he’s worth your love or not.. So there.. Keep your head up girl..

    September 29, 2015
  32. gravyman35

    you said: "Everything is better now but every now and again I find myself overwhelmed with my trust issues. " But, why? If things ARE better then what do you think is triggering the old feelings? It must be something. What? If he freely talks on his phone with you right across from him on the room, I wouldn’t worry. However, if he talks really hesitantly on the phone with you there, or (much worse) gets up and leaves the room so you wont hear, THEN I think somethings going on. But again, if things are really fine, where are the bad feelings coming from?

    October 16, 2015
    1. secretive

      sometimes its just a gut feeling, even when you don’t have a reason..

      November 21, 2015
  33. oryory

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    October 26, 2015
  34. alliec619

    When I started dating my boyfriend I had NEVER had trust issues because I didn’t care much about my previous boyfriends in the past. He had never had a serious relationship. Like all couples we’ve been through some things and even now that he is completely amazing to me now rather than just 50% of the time, I still have that scary, anxious feeling every now and again I hate to admit because he treats me so well. It’s because you’ve gotten some kind of compromise and fairness out of something and you don’t want it smashed again. I know the feeling and I just try my best to not be oblivious but not be overly protective of that compromise either. lots of love!

    November 12, 2015
  35. secretive

    This is so relate able, where you want to talk to him about it, but your scared he might get mad, where it leads to a fight?

    November 21, 2015
  36. someoneyouknow

    honey trust issues actually will destroy your relationship one day because what happens it growths bigger and bigger inside of you if you don’t release it. anytime something bothering you just go and talk to him.
    i had this problem in my relationship and we did brake up with my bf because he was too tired of me being mad at him always and arguing about little stupid stuff. when you overthinking that is only thoughts in your head and not always mean that is what the reality is. there is no man in the world will want to be with crazy and “paranoiac” woman. that is what we basically are when we start too think too much.
    my advice and that is what i actually did give him freedom and think about your self as the best he can ever have. if he doesnt do something the way you expect it to be or the way you want, remember he is not you!!!

    November 22, 2015
  37. luvstoknow

    I also have trust issues, but be warned if a guy doesn’t want you to see what he’s doing on his phone then he just might want space budt on the other hand might be hiding something. I had an ex who had two phones and said it was for work. He never let me touch or see them. Hence we broke up because he admitted he was cheating.

    December 20, 2015
  38. shayani

    Hi ,
    Well I feel the kind of you issue you are facing is quite normal when you are in love with your partner and you started getting possessive with small things now and then. Dont judge or conclude so soon. It is very important to open up in front of him and to share your thoughts now and then. It happens that your partner may not have this kind of understanding to understand how you feel and how to handle this kind of situation. Be positive about yourself, your relation and try to create a better connectivity with your partner, which will help you to get rid of this kind of overwhelming thoughts at times.
    Best Wishes !!!!

    January 14, 2016
  39. Mccoysexy27

    It’s totally ok as a women to have trust issues but ,don’t let take the connection out of your relationship.

    January 26, 2016
  40. sunshinexxxxxx

    hey, i had really bad trust issues to my EX as he lied to me sometimes i really liked him and stuff but then it got worse so hes my ex now, it also depends why u have trust issues if because he not showing his phone thats normals because most of the boys want privacy, or if the trust issue started because he lied to u once,twice its not worth it anymore because he seen that u believed him and it will carry on. but any ways hope u are happy and u really love him because love is a really strong thing

    February 04, 2016
  41. vyrus

    love is just a load of bs…..

    February 05, 2016
  42. existentialequipment

    When I feel insecure, phones make me crazy in relationships.
    I sort of wish I had had relationships before cell phones, I wonder if I would have found different things to focus on when feeling insecure. Sometimes I have found out from a phone break-in that I had nothing to be worried about and was projecting my own insecurities or even dissatisfaction with the relationship. At other times, I was shocked and appalled in finding things worse than I could have imagined. No easy answer on this one. I think cell phones just make it easier to be paranoid.

    February 28, 2016
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    March 21, 2016
  44. unrestrictedfreeagent

    From what little I gather, the trust issue is not limited to ‘your boyfriend’ but rather plays a significant role in your decision making and social life. I would suppose, again based on the little information I have, that you are an extremely defensive individual and often fear the worse. This is not to say you are not happy but rather you continue to inject unnecessary stress into your life through worry. If you do not believe the previously stated to be true then no need to continue reading…

    Your personal concerns, worry, and stress need to be addressed from a different angle; again this is not to say you do not have cause but rather you lack trust in your decision making abilities. This can also cause control issues which can further solidify your issues with trust in yourself and others. If you can identify such things and make yourself aware of them, you can/have taken the first step to rectifying the problem.

    April 11, 2016
  45. lolipopcandy

    Just trust him. If time goes by and he shows no change and you will never feel that you will be able to trust him just be upfront to him, or walk away.

    May 18, 2016
  46. leigh123

    Every girl has that deep down pit of the stomach feeling that something is wrong. Do you get that feeling or is it just “girl brain” insecurities? You need to figure out which one. From someone that had HUGE trust issues with a past ex and then finally meeting my now husband, I have never felt that deep down feeling.

    June 19, 2016
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    August 09, 2016
  49. briannalea

    Communication is a major thing in a relationship. I was the same way when my fiance and I got together, we’ve been together for a year and 4 months.

    November 21, 2016
  50. masudparvej

    Relationship mainly going to trust and understand if u have not then relationship not strong

    November 27, 2016
  51. bonesdaily87

    Honestly I’ve been with my gf for 5 years and never cheated! I would hate for her to be going through my phone as well! There’s just shit you chop up with your boys or private between you and family that you don’t want her to see! Insecurities will always play tricks on you but it’s always great to stay aware and cautious! Stay up girl

    January 09, 2017
  52. soserendipity

    If you have really bad trust issues your not in love. You won’t leave him because you feel theres a chance it’ll be nothing or will improve. Just end it now. Your already headed that way anyway. There are so many red flags in this relationship, you won’t even agree with me or see them till your way older anyway. You don’t trust. He won’t share parts of his life with you freely..neither of you are in love.

    March 24, 2017
  53. This comment has been deleted
  54. vegetaissenpai

    I’m not going to try and offend you.

    The only thing I can say is that you should let this play out, but at the same time just watch silently.

    July 29, 2017